I don't want to hate but that's all you've left me with. A bitter aftertaste and a fantasy of how we all could live!!!! I guess the love we once had is officially dead!!!


Sincerely,
Jennefer Ekawati Santoso

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飛び散る汗 The sweat which is scattered
溶け合う生に 血が滲む Blood is stained with life and melt together
君を思い 僕は果てる I think of you, and I perish

君が揺れるたびに 君を殺すたびに Each time you sway, I'll diminish you

好きな匂い A favorite scent
君の匂いと血の匂い Your scent and the scent of blood
君を思い 僕は果てる I think of you, and I perish

君が揺れるたびに 君を殺すたびに Each time you sway, I'll diminish you

君を想い果てる I yearn for you to die

Something Changed...Love is Gone

"THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH!"









HAHA~

ふたりだけでいい　他には誰もいらない
私だけがあなたを満たせるわ
あなたの足に銀の足かせをはめましょう
同じ過ちを犯さないように
愛し子よ　この胸に　脈打つ甘い蜜を吸いなさい
稚い　あなたから　もう二度と目を離したりしない

When you were given life, but only to face hell?

I never wanted to be the ghost who haunts you
I never wanted to be the devil who misleads you

All I ask for is for you to try...to know me
All I ask for is for you to learn...to love me sincerely

I don't want to be like a fire...that could burn your heart
I don't want be the thorns...that could wound you

All I know that I've been trying...to be more open
All I know that I'm intending...to speak honestly

But I could always be like a virus that would paralyzed you

I've known the truth. Which conceal the lies. Which have been thrown upon me over and over these past agonizing 4 years.

SAY MY NAME AND HIS HER IN THE SAME BREATH
I dare you to say they TASTE the same
Let the leaves fall off in the summer
And LET DECEMBER GLOW IN FLAMES

Brace myself and let go
Start it over again in Mexico
These friends, THEY DON'T LOVE YOU
They just love the hotel suites, now

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK
AS LONG IT'S ABOUT ME
THE BEST OF US CAN FIND HAPPINESS...IN MISERY


Oh, take a chance, let your body get a tolerance,
I'm not a chance, BUT A HEAT WAVE IN YOUR PANTS
Pull a breath like another cigarette pawn shop, I'm trading UP

I'm the oracle in my chest
Let the guitar SCREAM LIKE A FASCIST
SWEAT IT OUT SHUT YOUR MOUTH
Free love on the streets, but In the alley and I ain't that cheap


~I don't care by Fall Out Boy (changed)

この世界は美しいが??

Dazed Truly, Jennefer Ekawati Santoso

It has been nothing but bad.

To be banished towards the eternal fire of hell.


I have been weary too much...to the point I don't know who to trust anymore. Maybe this marks the end of me? One thing has helped me go through life, and yet that same one thing would be the only one who could make me end my life.



I don't know...I'm tired.

Tis only none but reasonable to work...ACCORDING to how much they pay you.


Yeah, yeah...I know we MUST WORK BETTER in order to suck some of the people's asses who are our superiors. But...BY ALL MEANS...if they want me to work on "more flexible hours" (and by flexible I mean...working OVERTIME OVER THE BLOODY LIMIT) and "be more creative" (and by it meaning NON STOP THINKING)...just have  a little think about by the least RAISE THE BLOODY F*CKING WAGE...why don't you?

I've been working all around for more than 2 years...and to be quite fair I started very low, and as I earned more by experiences, I gained more of the later.

Is it just me or is it just JAKARTA (read: INDONESIA) that people just think to pay some amount to their employee thinking they will "WORK HARD"?

We all need money here...and long have I left behind the years which on I could only think nothing but work (read: WORKAHOLIC).

Being reasonable is all I can think of left. But will it be reasonable enough if you are paid just about the medium level that you supposed (while you are actually expecting MORE) and then by all means none of overtimes are being fairly paid (no overtime fee AT ALL!).

Plus, sometimes people just CAN'T THINK how one brain works. OK, women can multi-task, BIG FRIGGIN DEAL, doesn't mean we all can simply do more than 2 jobs in one go!! And thus without even thinking on the due-date whatsoever.

Seriously man...WHAT THE FUCK?


Who the fuck do they think we employees are anyways? SLAVES? Good Gracious Me! I certainly am NOT! Just because I got paid (although to be noted quite un-fair-ly), I could easily go along to all the demands!


AGAIN...WHO THE FUCK DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?

This brain is function to memorized and responds to every single memories that were captured throughout all the senses.

Thus it is quite reasonable if I act on some certain things differently, although I might try not to react as I first time react to it.

Certain words still hurt me. Certain places. Certain memories.

The day I vowed and bestowed to wish that my place is not taken, was the day I was broken and bruised, with none crown of jewels for my head from the ones I wish from...

I remember once I was badly burnt...I chose not to go back nor listen to any excuses cause it caused me nothing but inner emotional pain. This heart's a mess. My thoughts have been too occupied with things I am not supposed to worry about.

Sometimes I won't admit that I am in complete mess.

I seem to be desperate to connect...

Lost...in fear, doubt and distrust.

It's been very messy whereas I don't even sure what my own future will hold for me. I have reacted out of line and it makes no sense though a sane person's point of view.

I am desperate to be happy...but it seems like what lies beneath the memories that my heart and brain...keep blocking me away cause I still keep that same old responses the old me filed in my head.

I don't know how much longer I have to wait...cause I don't wanna wait...anymore.